No More Mr. Nice Guy

July 16, 2007

This just in. Barry Bonds is pissed. Whoa, biggest story ever. Can I have my Pulitzer now, please?

The Dodgers sweep the Giants in San Francisco, with Bonds as their personal, uh, out-man. He goes zero-for-the-series, doesn't come close to a record-setting home run, and looks like a girl facing Joe Beimel. No offense to the fairer sex intended.

After all the activity at the Bonds love-fest that was the All-Star Game Tuesday, the man must've been exhausted. Plum tuckered-out. Not by the baseball, mind you, but from all the smiling. Those are some mightly sensitive mouth muscles we're talking about here; not to be used excessively without supervised conditioning, and especially after such a lengthy layoff. Bonds hadn't warmed up properly, quite obviously.

So after a particularly humbling performance at the hands of the Terry Adams-less, Chan Ho Park-less Dodgers, Bonds going off on the media was the most natural thing possible. What a strain it must have been for the poor guy, holding back a whole week.

The snapback was classic Bonds, and went like this: "It's an embarrassment to be wearing this (bleeping) uniform, the way I'm playing. There, that's it. Now, get away."

After a brief pause to rest the aching musculoskeletal system in his face, Bonds followed with "I said I'm embarrassed to have this (bleeping) uniform on, the way I'm playing. Now, get out of here."

Well, at least Bonds has seen the light. Finally. It is a bleeping Giants uniform. It's more bleeping with Bonds in it, of course, and scowling rather than grinning, so I for one am cool with him turning that frown upside down, as long as he made it a round trip.

And in case you hadn't noticed, with Bonds 3-23 in July, 0 for his last 24, and 4-25 against Los Angeles this year, he's on a pace of about one homer every two weeks now. Although it's not likely, with ten weeks remaining in the season, it's at least a mathematical possibility that Bonds will be stuck on 755, or perhaps even 754, when the curtain drops on 2007. Just a thought…

Talkback: Your comments are always encouraged…

Trivia: Who holds the National League record for home runs lifetime, and with how many?

Media Savvy: These things are getting way, way, way too much coverage lately: David Beckham, the Phillies 10,000 losses, A-Rod's next team, the I-Phone, and Scott Boras.

Oh, and props to me, for this line in last week's column:

Poly-Sigh: Two words about Antonio Villaraigosa: Ass and hole…
Double props to Matthew P. of Burbank for his follow up:
"Two words about Antonio Villaraigosa: Derek and Lowe."

Trade Talk: The Dodgers have a good general manager in Ned Colletti, and there's no question he'll address the team's needs. The question is, will he address them well enough? And will he address them quickly enough?

I think he will, if for no other reason than this: Ned Colletti is no Fred Claire. There will be no arguing whether Ned is a "baseball man" or not. You can forget all about Tito Landrum and Kevin Tapani right now.

Colletti doesn't need adult supervision to make a trade, so he's no Dan Evans either. That means no Jeromy Burnitz or Terry Mulholland blockbusters at the trading deadline.

More importantly, the idea that the Dodgers might have to trade a player like Matt Kemp or James Loney or Chad Billingsley or Jonathan Broxton or Andre Ethier to get something valuable in return is total crap. There are always salary dumps, fine pieces to the puzzle, who can be had for less than the best prospects. Sometimes much less. There are always things you can do. Always, always, always.

Again, as I said last week, I'm talking about starters like Bronson Arroyo, in particular, and Woody Williams. And while I won't take credit for it, since Tim McCarver said it first, Octavio Dotel is a great idea. Look for Colletti to get one or two of these guys.

Statue for Sandy: The Koufax in bronze campaign continues. Please Vote “Yes on 32.” And tell a friend…

Tickets: Only a handful of the company seats left for July and August. Get em while the Dodgers are hot. Contact me now...

Remember, glove conquers all….

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