Jan 25, 2006

The sports void: “The vast space of sports emptiness, stretching from the Monday after the Super Bowl to the first pitch on Opening Day.” That’s according to Webster’s. Mitch Webster’s, I believe.

When the Los Angeles Times runs its first feature on bass fishing, that’s your cue. The seal’s been broken and the abyss is in full swing.

In some circles, the sports void starts with the Monday following Championship Sunday, usually the last good day of football for the season. In other circles, the void begins about ten minutes after the final out of the World Series, ending when pitchers and catchers and Jason Phillips report.

In still other circles, say, parts of the Valley where Rupert Murdoch’s satellite television can be blown off the air by a casual sneeze, the sports void begins during Championship Sunday, causing a certain viewer who shall remain nameless to miss the entire AFC Championship Game AND Kobe Bryant’s 81 points.

81 freaking points!! Like, that’ll happen again anytime soon. Of course, since said person did oversleep that one time in 1980, missing a particular hockey miracle in a particular international competition, held in a remote, tranquil, New York lake locale, there is precedent.

It’s been suggested on more than one occasion that this individual might be well-served by getting a life, and a plan exists to organize a search party, but first a complete admission of what came out of the unexpectedly blackout-induced early sports void.

You ready? Well, it’s a list of song and movie title, which with a little editing, become baseball plays on words. Play on wordes? Phrases, anyway. Here’s the list:

Glove Songs: From Russia with Glove, Glove Train, Can’t Buy Me Glove, The Glove You Save, Glove Will Keep Us Together (although in the case of the Captain and Tennille, not really), A Glove So Fine, Glove the One You’re With, Love to Glove You Baby, Glove Me Do, Glove Potion, Number 9, Glove Her Madly, I Glove L.A., For Your Glove, and Glove Lies Bleeding.

Glove Flicks: The Glove Bug, Glove Actually, Must Glove Dogs, Glove and Death, Glove is a Many Splendored Thing (and an absolutely unwatchable movie), To Sir with Glove, Glove Finds Andy Hardy,. and I Glove You Alice B. Toklas! Oh, and my personal favorite, with apologies to Dick Stuart, Dr. Strangeglove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Glove the Bomb.

Please send your glove suggestions, or your ideas for getting a life to glove slash life…

Puppy Glove: One of our favorites, from Northern California artist, Will Bullas.

Bonds Looks Bad: Oohh, there’s a stunner, huh. Bonds: “I am going to speak with Felipe, because at this point in my career it doesn't work for me to be second bat.”

In this case both Bonds and his manager look bad. While not quite as lame as Tony La Russa’s ground breaking the-pitcher-batting-eighth idea, batting Barry second is right up there. Whatever. It’s just refreshing to see the Giants looking retarded, for a change. The National League West needs a new punching bag…

Our Fighting Men and Women: BaseballSavvy.com is proud of our readership in the Armed Forces overseas, and the input from the Middle East in general. Despite the area’s absence from the World Baseball Classic (something about the players not wanting to set foot in Anaheim, even to defect), there really is a fine base of intelligent baseball fans there.

Well, except for this one guy, who thinks my prediction that 2006 will be Eric Gagne’s last in L.A. is “absurd” because the Dodgers “would be thrilled to give him 12 million” American dollars.

The individual in question isn’t one of our men in harm’s way, no doubt. Please apologize to your loved ones over there for us, will you. We mean no malice, and there is no intent to group him in with our best and brightest…

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Speaking of the Hall of Fame, the Washington Nationals are about to sign Daryle Ward to a minor league contract...

Statue for Sandy: The Koufax in bronze campaign continues, so please scroll back to the upper right panel of this page and vote yes on 32. 2006 is the year…

Remember, glove conquers all. It really, really does....