Testing, One, Two,
Three

Assuming I have no date (what are the odds?), after the 10 p.m. SportsCenter, I click over to the Hallmark Channel, for M*A*S*H.

Digitally re-mastered and uncut, in order and from the top. First season. Colonel Blake is off with some nurse and Radar is writing a letter home. Hawkeye and Trapper need some AB negative for a transfusion, and go to Frank Burns, without his permission and in his sleep.

With the patient in Post-Op showing symptoms of hepatitis, the captains need Frank’s, uh, other fluid for examination. A staged beer taste-test sends Burns running to a covert latrine, and voila, message in a bottle. The potentially tainted urine is dispatched to Seoul, and all’s well that ends well. Burns is clean.

But is Barry Bonds?

Forget the subpoenas and the evidence room at Department of Justice. Let’s give Bonds a six-pack and get his donation the old fashioned way, by deceit. How hard can it be? Instead of Seoul, we’ll send Barry’s sample to the Kaiser lab in Burlingame. Near Balco, but distinctly in another building.

Then we’ll know, incontrovertibly, if Bonds is downing illegal hormones, or just plain menopausal...

Thanks to Skip Bayless, “throw down” has passed “we all have to be on the same page” on the top ten list of most overused lines in sports, and is coming up fast on “five-tool player” and “intestinal fortitude.”

Still a mystery is a recognizable reason for professional broadcasters to shorten Devil Rays to “D-Rays” and Diamondbacks to “D-Backs” to save one syllable, and the constant labeling of tall basketball players as “long” is currently the subject of a government study. Doug Collins’ favorite, “screen roll,” sounds like something that would be good with plum sauce...

It’s nice that the NFL has finally decided to consider the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum as a home for a future Los Angeles franchise, but Dodger Stadium is still the best place for football in Los Angeles. Emphasis on the words, Los Angeles...

As long as the Dodgers continue to seesaw through the season, Jim Tracy's employment is going to be a topic of conversation. Among the most cited criticisms facing the Dodger manager, and the one that is most often dismissed, is the idea that the Dodger manager simply cannot motivate players. Tracy’s supporters’ common response? “Millionaire grown men athletes should self-motivate.” The critics follow with, “he doesn’t command respect because he didn’t play.” So who’s right?

Well, Jack McKeon didn’t swing much of a stick, and in fact replaced a smart, experienced former player in Jeff Torborg midstream, and the result was a championship for the Florida Marlins.

But command and respect are vital, especially with a team that hasn’t won in such a long time, after decades of doing just that. Jim Tracy doesn’t particularly act or talk like a winner, and c'mon, he's never really been one.

What’s striking to me however, is that the men Tracy has had the most difficulty managing, repeatedly, were and are his two most important players, Kevin Brown and Shawn Green. Trust me, we'll be talking about this again...

If he can stay healthy for a full season, Dave Roberts might just steal 100 bases, and still not break the club record...

Statue for Sandy: The petition drive continues. If you haven’t yet, and you’d like to see Mr. Koufax in bronze at Dodger Stadium, please scroll down to the photo below and vote...

Correction: It seems Ismael Valdes has actually changed his name to Ismael Valdez, succumbing to the pressure he felt having to regularly ask reporters to get the pronunciation of both his first and last names right. Whatever, Ismael. Problem half solved...

Remember, glove conquers all...