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Maybe it is Brain Surgery

Almost went with the title, "Sit and Sleep" because that's what Dan Evans did all year long and because, and forgive me, "You're killing me Dannnnyyyy!!!! Seemed a bit too obnoxious. Fitting but obnoxious.

So let's stick with the original, "Maybe it is Brain Surgery." I mean, Evans and manager Jim Tracy continue to show just how complicated it is to run a ball club, and have all kinds of plausible explanations to draw upon, so maybe it's not them. Maybe it really, truly is just like brain surgery, and only a select few can do it.

Like say, the guys in Oakland and Minnesota with very little money, like the guys in the Bronx and in San Francisco and Atlanta with plenty, all successful over a period of time, and now even the men in Florida, who've built a winner twice in less than half the time it's taking the Dodgers to do so once.

It must be really, really challenging to manage a baseball team. And like brain surgery, it takes years of schooling and 100-hour workweeks to learn the trade, and just as long as no one dies, you're pretty much assured job security, especially in Los Angeles.

Look, Dan Evans is a blithering idiot, OK, a Fred Claire clone if ever there was one. A "can't do" man. Jim Tracy is a career journeyman with absolutely no ability to lead major leaguers, and who is especially unable to get his players to perform at the most crucial points of a season. Any season. Contract of no, they both need demotions or promotions or whatever it takes to get them the hell out of here.

Please don't listen to Evans and Tracy, not while operating heavy machinery anyway. 85-77 does not a successful season make. There are no moral victories. Evans deserves no credit for assembling what amounts to half a team. The only silver lining to the 2003 season is that it's over…

It's got to be over for Larry Bowa too, don't you think? Philadelphia was the only place he could possibly ever work again, and after this year's version of "The Caine Mutiny," there's no reason for Bowa to ever get another chance…

Quick, grab a pencil and paper. Math quiz. Old squad + Brian Giles + new yard = what? Hint, see Pittsburgh…

NL MVP: Jim Thome, Bowa notwithstanding, followed by Albert Pujols and Barry Bonds in whatever order you like. So the Giants win the division by fifteen games with Bonds instead of by five without him. BFD. We're not Barry bashing. No MVP, just this once.

AL MVP: Can we just give it to Alex Rodriguez and get it out of the way already? I almost voted for the porn star, but left my ballot blank.

Recall parenthetical: If Peter Ueberroth is serious about fixing a big fat Greek mess, how about closing a deal to buy the Dodgers. A bipartisan project we can all get behind.

NL CY: Eric Gagne. No one else should get a single first place vote.

AL CY: Roy Halladay, and good for him. Back-to-back Cy-caliber seasons and one hands-down award.

NL ROY: Don't care.

AL ROY: Don't care.

NL Manager: Jack McKeon.

AL Manager: No, not Tony Pena for finishing third in the AL Central. What a dumb idea that was. Ron Gardenhire, for actually winning the thing.

NL Executive: Brian Sabean.

AL Executive: Terry Ryan. Don't feel bad. He's the Twins' guy. Not even Billy Beane knows who he is…

Memo to the AP: It's been nine years since Atlanta switched divisions, OK. You might want to make a note of it, so that we don't have to read yet again next year how the Braves have won their "13th consecutive NL East crown." It's three in the NL West, nine in the East and counting. And a great regular season team they are. Yes, we know…

Predictions: Yankees and Braves out in the first round...

Wishful thinking: Giants out in the first round…

Remember, glove conquers all….

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