Here’s a surprise. The Expos are threatening to move again, this time to Washington D.C. or Northern Virginia. Look, a pretty good argument for an Expos exit can be made (here’s one: french mustard, yes, french baseball, no) but can we have just one year go by without the D.C. area popping up again, please? We heard from them before each of the last two expansions, if I’m not losing count, they weren’t worthy then, and they’re not worthy now.

Colorado was a better call, so was Arizona, so was Florida. OK, maybe not any part of Florida, but D.C. has had too many chances. They couldn’t keep a team before and they don’t deserve one now. D.C., just go away....

Speaking of Washington (like that segue?), this business about the Dodgers sparring with the underage players they’ve signed illegally reminds me of the president, and all the “he said, she said” stories that never seem to leave us.

Players, and in Clinton’s case, women, keep surfacing with the same story. The Dodgers have the credibility, kinda, and so does the president, sorta, so we want to believe them, and they count on our wanting to believe them. They almost demand the benefit of the doubt. The team, and the Administration eventually makes the problem go away, and everybody breathes a sigh of relief, for awhile....

Man, it’s been a tough year for Houston (I absolutely refuse to trot out that tired “Houston, we have a problem” line). The one guy who’s really coming through for them is Ken Caminiti, and he can’t even stay healthy long enough to get traded. You just know he’s gonna come back the day after the final trading deadline....

Lost in all the Chuck Knoblauch throwing madness, is that he really isn’t much of a stick anymore either, which makes him just another overpaid, mediocre second baseman. He’s certainly no DH. In 1994, ‘95 and ‘96, Knoblauch hit .312, .333, .341 for the Twins, with a high of 63 RBIs. He was a truly great player in every way.

In ‘98, his first year in New York, Knoblauch hit .265 and had to get hot at the end to get there. Last year, when the throwing problems started, he picked his average up late to hit .292, and made an ass out of himself in the ALCS. This year, he’s around .275, and on a pace to finish with about 25 RBIs.

And by the way, if half the Dodgers’ squad gets suspended for going into the stands, shouldn’t Chuck Knoblauch be suspended for throwing half of world’s supply of baseballs into the stands? He does more damage, and there’s really no provocation. Just a thought....

Also by the way, none of the Bronx stuff makes any difference this year. None of it. Not the Knoblauch drama, not the trade possibilities, and certainly nothing that Darryl Strawberry or George Steinbrenner might do during the summer. The Yankees run with this team is over. They’re not gonna be in the post season in the year 2000. End of discussion....

Is there some legitimate reason why Kevin Malone hasn’t brought in a center fielder? Gerald Williams could probably be had cheaply enough, and don't the Devil Rays in fact exist primarily to make trades? And there’s always Marquis Grissom. Brian McRae can’t really want to stay with ESPN. It’s not brain surgery, Kevin. You’re looking an awful lot like your predecessor, and his claim to fame was Matt Young....

It only took me a week after basketball to realize just how unwatchable the Dodgers are again this year....

In case I’ve never mentioned it before, Bob Vila is a five-tool player....

Maybe it’s unfair to mention Tony LaRussa and Gene Mauch in the same breath, but the column’s called Off Base remember. Both have been around a long time, managed several teams in two leagues, won and lost a lot of ball games. Both have been credited, rightly or wrongly, with being particularly intelligent managers. It was Mauch, after all, who brought the double switch to the game. LaRussa of course, gave us, well, the pitcher batting eighth.

While Tony hasn’t been on watch during some great fold jobs like Gene has, he was only able to squeeze that one championship out of the McGwire, Canseco, Eckersley A’s, and up to now, hasn’t accomplished anything in St. Louis with free reign and a ton of money. The Cards are being handed the division this year, and we’ll see if LaRussa can come up with something in this, his best and perhaps, last good chance....

It’s almost Hall of Fame time, which means Pete Rose has his travel plans made and is warming up for a good old time. And so am I, my friends, so am I. Be afraid. Be very afraid....

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