November 4, 2005

Those three little words.

Quick, name a free agent signing worse than Darren Dreifort. No, not J.D. Drew. I said worse than, not equal to.

Chan Ho Park? You are correct, sir. Chan Ho Park, at five years and $65 million, brought to you by John Hart, the man who would be Dodgers king.

And it’s not just the extra 10 mil that makes it such an historically lame signing. I mean, at least Dreifort had the good sense to summer in Wichita half the time. Can Park say the same thing? I don’t think so.

There is no sane reason for the Dodgers to consider John Hart for the g.m. job, much less interview him. Sure, there’s precedent for the club to sign a guy clearly on the downside of his career, what with Jose Valentin and all, but precedent does not a trend make. Not yet anyway.

And yes, you can argue that since Hart isn’t an L.A. guy and has no major finger jewelry to speak of, as are and as do Dennis Gilbert and Larry Beinfest, for example, and that since Hart will demand a higher salary than either of those two better qualified candidates, that it’s a no-brainer for the McCourts to go with him, that’s just being sarcastic and mean, and we’ll have none of that here.

Besides, haven’t you always wondered how Chuck Finley would fare pitching in Dodger Stadium? Now, you'll get to find out…

On the bright side, Kevin Towers has taken himself out of the running for both the L.A. and Boston gigs. What a guy. KT will continue applying his magic in San Diego for a little while longer, thank you very much. Exhibit A: Vinny Castilla for Brian Lawrence. Oh wait, that’s sarcasm, isn’t it? I beg your pardon…

Trivia Question: During Maury Wills’ MVP winning season of 1962, the Dodgers shortstop stole a record 104 bases. How many times was he caught stealing?

Hey, have you heard this adult kickball being the next all-the-rage thing? Oh yeah, adult kickball is huge now. Paul DePodesta has his sites on the Oakland franchise as we speak. Bay Area fans appreciate the value of a good kickball on base percentage more than we lowly Southern Californians, don’t you know. Plus, there’s no accounting for chemistry; and as a topper, the DH is used in adult kickball, so both Hee Seop Choi and Antonio Perez are assured jobs come Spring Training…

Dodgers Deep Throat: For every 11 executives the Dodgers fire, I tap into at least one new high-ranking source at Chavez Ravine. You have to get up pretty early in the morning…

Look-alikes: ESPN.com’s Gary Gillette and actor Richard Thomas…

Look-alikes, Part Deux: ESPN.com’s Jerry Crasnick and Bret Saberhagen…

Jackass of the Week: Matt Lawton’s steroid bust occurred weeks ago, so he doesn’t qualify. No activist judging here, sorry. A.J. Burnett, on the other hand, actually was a jackass during the Monday to Sunday news cycle, so he gets it with this nice (and sarcastic line):

"I'm so impressed with the [Toronto Blue Jays] front office and J.P and the people I've met. It's night and day from what I'm used to. They're all good people and it's been great so far."

The runner-up goes to Red Auerbach again this week. Another Harris and Frank sports coat for old Red...

Non-Sarcastic, Actual News Item: From MLB.com: Rick Monday and Al Downing are on the 2005 Hall of Fame ballot for the Ford C. Frick Award, for excellence in baseball broadcasting…

Funny Quote of the Week: From Elmer Dessens’ agent, Oscar Suarez: "People might think we are crazy, but we believe that Colorado can compete in the National League West next year…”

Investors Wanted: Invest a thimble full of venture capital today, make major league minimum tomorrow…

Statue for Sandy: The Koufax in bronze campaign continues, so please scroll down to the photo below and vote yes on 32…

Trivia Answer: Wills was thrown out just 13 times all year. In stark contrast, Lou Brock was caught stealing 33 times during his record run of 118 steals in 1974, and Rickey Henderson was nabbed 42 times when he stole 130 in 1982…

Remember, glove conquers all….