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Dodgers Guide to Progress

June 6, 2005

Such as it is. Don’t worry; I won’t bore you with the small stuff. I’ll bore you, just not with the small stuff.

Queso Grande, aka Paul DePodesta: All that’s standing between the Dodgers and a runaway season is the Milwaukee Brewers and a blanket over the man’s head. A fleece blanket.

Jail time is probably judicial overkill, but an apology and a serious dose of restitution wouldn’t be a waste of time.

Please don’t start with the “games lost to injury” line. Gagne and Werth’s replacements did just fine, thank you, and Dreifort, Grabowski and Valentin’s absences helped the team immeasurably.

Having an entire outfield with a history of injuries is the general manager’s fault, so don’t start. Actually expecting six months of success from Hee Seop Choi and Scott Erickson is the g.m.’s bad, so don’t start.

And if I hear that “he’s always the smartest guy in the room” line one more time, I’m gonna hurl.

Dick Tracy. It’s not all on Jim Tracy, of course, especially with an accomplice like DePodesta watching his back. But, but, but, and it’s a big but. We’re talking, Cecil Fielder.

We’ll give the manager a pass on the game strategy, the sticking with starters one bomb too many, the pitching to Derrek Lee with Andy Van Slyke, uh, Jeremy Burnitz on deck, and the new and bizarre overuse of the team’s best hitters to sacrifice, even with two strikes.

But a manager has got to know which of his men can actually bunt the damn ball, and he’s got to take care of this stuff in Spring Training. Ditto with the bleeping rundown. Spring bleeping Training. Major leaguers absolutely must know this stuff before taking the field, and if they don’t, it’s on the manager. Period.

Good for Trace for getting tossed the one time. Boston made one good album. This ain’t tea and crumpets here, and it’s not the pinky finger I want to see pointed in the direction of the umpire.

Last and very much not least, this year in year out running his players into the ground is a serious blind spot for the Dodgers skipper. Probably comes from not playing, but Tracy is just completely clueless on the subject. He showed it every year with Lo Duca and Green, and he’s showing it now with Izturis and Kent.

150 games played is a full, manly season; 162 is an abuse of talent. If I were a Vulcan, I’d sneak into Tracy’s room at night and mind meld the words “day off” into his conscience. I just might anyway.

Look, we’re not campaigning to get the man fired, but if the Dodgers are concerned about a potential p.r. beating, consider two words: Orel Hershiser. Four more: Mickey Hatcher, Kirk Gibson…

Wes Parker’s gotten more out of one cycle than Lance Armstrong ever dreamed of…

The Dodgers beat the Padres 19-0, May 28, 1969, at Jack Murphy. Parker homered into the empty right field seats for a 1-0 L.A. lead, earning him the post game interview, even with Drysdale pitching a shutout and going 2-4 with a double. Parker must’ve needed the Harris and Frank gift certificate more than Big D…

Deep Throat: Contrary to what’s been reported, Deep Throat has not been outed. Not ours. BaseballSavvy.com has its own secret high-ranking Dodgers source. Same idea, only it’s important stuff like trade rumors, and instead of dingy parking garages, it’s Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles.

He’s really not all that helpful, though. Pretty much all we get from him is red marking over Simers’ column in the morning paper and the occasional “follow the money.” And when the wind gets hold of the flower pot, I never hear the end of it…

Bob Nightengale has gone the Leonard Tose route…

What does it says about the state of relief pitching as we know it that teams are lining up to publicly admit their interest in LaTroy Hawkins, Danny Graves and Matt Herges…

Did you see this? David Ross changed his name to Dave Ross. Why not. I mean, it worked so well for Ismael Valdes slash Valdez.

It’s Official: Craig Counsel has lapped Jim Leyritz and is now the proud owner of the ugliest batting stance in baseball history…

On a personal note, we had a little animal incident at the house the other day. Let’s just say the dog fought the skunk and the skunk won. The tomato juice shampoo thing? Doesn’t do squat…

Statue for Sandy: The Koufax in bronze campaign continues, so please scroll down to the photo below and vote yes on 32…

Remember, glove conquers all….


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