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Off Base
A Giant Pain in the Ass

March 8, 2006

This just in: Barry Bonds did steroids.

Whooaa!! Really?! Bonds, steroids? No way!!

Look, the Barry-busting “Game of Shadows” is a Pulitzer Prize cinch for authors Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams, but I for one could do with one less image of Giant syringe in Barry Bonds’ ample butt. And the syringe under tongue picture ain’t a whole lot prettier. I mean, what if it’s the same syringe?

Whatever. The image is important, so I’ll get over it. But will baseball?

The ink’s not dry on the baseball book of revelations and already there’s a ton of talk about what can and can’t be done to Barry Bonds.

“Can’t suspend him,” is the common refrain. He hasn’t been caught with his pants down. Uh, so to speak. Can’t force retirement, can’t keep him from his next home run, can’t break out the ass-terisks. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Well, maybe Major League Baseball can’t, can’t, and can’t, but the San Francisco Giants sure can. You’re bloody well right, they can. And I’ll tell you something else: it’s not beyond the realm. It’s occurred to them.

Peter Magowan has a conscience; a guilty one, if you ask me. You can see it in his face whenever he’s asked to explain the unexplainable Barry Bonds. Been there for years.

Swallow hard, Mr. Magowan, and release Mr. Bonds. Be a bleeping hero. Set an example for once in your baseball life.

Release Bonds. Say it enough times and it sounds not only reasonable, but almost wise. Solomon-like. The pain goes away faster when you rip the Band-aid from the scab with one swift yank.

You’re not alone in all this. Teams chalk up monster contracts to insult and injury all the time. Shoot, the Dodgers spent more on Darren Dreifort. At least the penance for Bonds is in months, not years.

There’s an adage in labor circles that goes something like this: if the boss is willing to both spend serious money and take heat for your firing, it shows how much he wants to get rid of you.

Do the right thing, Peter Magowan. You’re partly responsible and you know it. Does the word “enabler” mean anything to you? How about “co-dependent?”

Baseball needs leadership. Like, it’s going to come from the commissioner’s office? Please. It’ll be summer before Bud Selig gets a consensus.

BTW, why always the referencing to “the commissioner’s office.” The office. It’s as if a desk, a lamp, and a coupla chairs are making the big calls.

I say San Francisco bounces Bonds on his mighty hiney. Bonds is a big boy. He can take it, as long as the syringe is out before he hits the pavement…

Talkback: Your comments are always welcome.

Statue for Sandy: The Dodgers gifts to the world include Jackie Robinson and Sandy Koufax. The Giants? Well, Gaylord Perry and Barry Bonds. Meanwhile, the Koufax in bronze campaign continues, so please scroll back to the upper right panel of this page and vote yes on 32.

Remember, glove conquers all….


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