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Toy Boat

Ah, the tongue twisters of our youth, there to stifle the future Vinnys and Chicks of the world. Peter Piper was alive and well then, the wood chuck of course, and the elegant toy boat, which always ended up "toy but," unless there was a jinx in progress, when all bets were off.

My school had a speech therapist named Mrs. Sevenens. Mispronounce the name, you're in her class.

Kids were tough then. Guns in school? Peer pressure to have sex? Nah. But man, if you couldn't name the biggest country in Australia or had a stutter or sounded like a dweeb, those twelve-year olds were all over you.

John Ireland must have hung with the hooligans, or he would've been shamed into Sevenens' class faster than he could say anything with an "e" sound in it. You know, things that come up in sports periodically, like Yank-EES, Sam-MEE, Ran-DEE.

There is a solution. It's called voice training. Most pros enroll at one time or another. Just get it over with. Coupla weeknights, better than traffic school, and no gelatin to scrape off. You're a good sports workhorse John, but fix the damn speech impediment, and stop sounding like Doug Krikorian.

And here's a note, news directors: if professional broadcasters were meant to have these things, they'd be called speech assets…

I actually kinda like Jay Mohr, there's just too much of him…

"The Best Damn Sports Show Period" might work as a weekly…

On further review, Lisa Guerrero is still a boob...

XTRA's Chris Ello and John Kentera should be getting way more pub than they are, and this is a good as place any.

Yes, the Loose Cannons are worthy and a feature is coming, and if I have to, Mr. Perspective and his best 15 minutes of football will be tackled eventually, but John and Chris, you da men.

The Coach does a yeoman's job, whatever time of day he's on. Folksy, Tom Bodett-like in the way he says things like "1-8 hunderd," and works with a complete lack of antagonism.

Ello is a voice of reason in San Diego. He's both knowledgeable and interesting, unlike some people, has a sense of humor, and is unafraid to take frank stands, like he did recently while discussing the "racist" Masters. He also talks a savvy game of baseball, which is why we're all here afterall. The show he devoted to Strat-O-Matic, All-Star Baseball and Electric Football was classic stuff for the considerably over-30 crowd.

And not a sloppy syllable for Mrs. Sevenens…

Chris Berman looked smart in that Cinco de Mayo sombrero. I sent him a BS cap...

Thanks to Tom Hoffarth for the heads-up. BS also stands for Bud Selig...

Sure it's a strain, but I listen to Rick Monday for the material…

Vinny, you're the greatest....

Howard Cole

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