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Absorbing Junior

You just knew it was coming. Ken Griffey, Jr., cap turned around once again, bright smile returned to his face, back in the limelight with his 500 homers.

No one wanted to say what we were all thinking - a torn hamstring, any day now - but we just knew. The vision was so vivid, right down to the body part.

Before we get too caught up in the obligatory talk of Griffey's heading back to the American League for some DHing and a little left field, let’s step back a second and figure out what happened.

Sure, it could have been going home that messed up Junior, or the revolving door of Reds’ managers and GMs. Griffey, Senior’s departure, or even Marge Schott’s. The humidity and German sausages combine for a strange elixir.

The notorious Reds’ medical doctoring? Gee, ya think? I mean, aren’t these the people who turned Eric Davis’ breathtaking career into just a pretty good one, and didn’t he play soundly for several teams after leaving Riverfront?

Hasn’t Barry Larkin been hurt for two decades? Didn’t Reggie Sanders become instantly reliable the minute he left town? Do the names Mario Soto, Chris Sabo and even poor Wayne Simpson mean anything to you?

The first thing Ken Griffey, Jr. should do with his new hamstring is sprint right out of town as fast as is humanly possible. Better yet, hop on those crutches and get the surgery 1000 miles in any direction. Even socialized Canadian medicine is better than Cincinnati...

Congratulations to ex-Yankee John Elway for making it into the Hall of Fame, albeit the lesser one. Remember his baseball scouting report? Said that if a runner tried to advance from first on a single to right, Elway could charge, field and fire a perfect spiral to nail him at third with a football…

The French are toast, part deux. If baseball finally follows through on threats to au revoir the Montreal Expos, let’s hope they consider the bid by the Norfolk Baseball Company. I still say contracting the Frenchies and the Tampa Bay Devil Rays is the way to go, but barring that, DC part three is a dumb idea. Norfolk, Virginia is an imaginative choice…

The Dodgers deals deal comes down to, in essence, Steve Finley for Dave Roberts; Hee Seop Choi for Juan Encarnacion; Brad Penny for Guillermo Mota; and Brent Mayne for Paul Lo Duca. Grade those as great, whatever, we’ll see and incomprehensibly lame.

The club has continued to win because it was good enough to win before the trades and still is after, but not because of the trades. It’s as if the Dodgers lost a set of vital parts to injury and just kept going, without looking back, which is what good teams do.

But this business about Lo Duca fading in the second half is total crap. If you overplay a catcher in the first half he’s going to slow down in the second. There are so few catchers who hit - and only one Ivan Rodriguez - you have to treat them like they’re special and hold on for dear life. Or, you could go with David Ross.

Expect the Dodgers to add a setup man like Braden Looper and a catcher by August 31, by which time Lo Duca will be available.

As for Mr. Dreifort, look, the manager is handling this pitcher exactly the way he handled Hideo Nomo. It's as simple as this: if the man's not healthy, he shouldn't be pitching; if the man is healthy he shouldn't be pitching...

With Jeff Weaver’s tenth victory, I won my bet against a friend who said it couldn’t be done. Since this person has shown no humility whatsoever, or even the slightest acknowledgement of his vanquishing, I'd like you to give him a piece of your mind, at doubtingemmitt@aol.com

A Google image search for Von Joshua brought up two beautiful pictures of Charlize Theron, thank you, a Topps card of Steve Carlton and another of Jim Kaat. Really…

Statue for Sandy: My high ranking Dodger source says to “have patience,” so that’s our plan. Say, did I mention, my high-ranking Dodger source is as kind, omniscient, studly, suave and debonair a man as any high-ranking source in Major League Baseball? Well, he is.

But let’s not take anything for granted here. If you haven't yet, please scroll down to the photo below, and chime in. For a permanent Koufax in bronze at Dodger Stadium, vote yes on 32…

Free Personals from BaseballSavvy.com: Match.com and eHarmony are for dating dweebs. Let us fix you up. You’ll rendezvous at Philippe’s before the game, get fitted and gowned at Top of the Park, and be married at home plate. Not all on the first evening, but you get the idea.

Female Dodger fans should send their intentions along with a photo directly to this publication. Applicants will be screened and matched by the editor, who will do his best to find you a great date, or at least someone with hair and a job. Maybe even a high-ranking Dodger source…

Remember, glove conquers all….

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