June 23, 2004

Solid State Radio

With apologies to Tom Hanks, there’s no screaming in baseball.

Memo to L.A.’s latest serial screamer, Petros Papadakis: Screaming in major market sports talk radio is contraindicated.

More importantly, it’s a microphone, OK? Thomas Edison, remember? A device that amplifies sound. You don’t scream into it, you don’t spit onto it; for best results, speak like a normal person.

Ear plugs, noon to 2 p.m., “The Ticket” 1540 AM, also known as KMPC, which is sacrilege, but for another column.

Papadakis is a smart guy with something to say. Or was anyway.

His was a professional act as auditioned for what turned out to be Mychael Thompson’s gig at the various XTRAs. Something happened on his way to the Forum, uh, Staples Center. Either overexposure to espresso or an ill-advised program director turned Petros Papadakis into a high-pitched, wailing mess of a broadcaster.

Bad idea man. Bad freaking idea.

And it’s not that this town isn’t big enough for all the sports guys available, but if you put all the good elements from all the outlets together, you've got about one good station, plus half a taxi squad.

Let’s review, shall we.

Rome is still the best, when he’s there. His guest hosts all suck. Skip Bayless is off the charts bad. If Rome’ll follow Keith Olbermann’s lead (Keith’s never at his show either) and replace himself with the likes of the beautiful and talented Alex Witt, we’ll withdraw the criticism.

Joe is great and Doug doesn’t cost you. Thompson is a serviceable Cannon. Hartman doesn’t return my calls and is therefore mean, but does good work, except for that squeaky laugh. Not a scream exactly. He knows better. Sounds like a live lobster placed in boiling water.

Mason’s been everywhere and can’t be trusted, and Ireland simply refuses to submit to voice training for the speech impediment. Acknowledging a problem is the first step in recovery, or so I’ve heard.

Hacksaw’s best fifteen minutes generally is fifteen minutes, and it’s nice to have Rick Schwartz back on the air in SoCal.

JT the Brick’s adiosing is the best thing since Gary Sheffield’s. One down, one to go.

Sporting News Radio, bad; ESPN Radio, good.

Being careful to avoid highly-caffeinated items, pour ingredients into microwave safe container, “stir” as Jason Reid would undoubtedly say, and in the words of Ricky Ricardo, “you might just got something there.”

Toss unused portion, or send it to a minor market, like San Diego.

Howard Cole