Off Base
A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That

September 23 , 2006

Nice win over the Bucs last night. Good seventh, eighth and ninth for the pen. But be warned, we’re not about to enter into another forgettable discussion about “momentum.” Not a peep.

All I know about momentum is that, I, like every other sports dweeb out there, don’t know squat about momentum. That, and that “momentum” has replaced “chemistry” as the enigmatic baseball phenomenon du jour. Just cause you can trot out the word, momentum, like it’s this tangible entity, as explainable as the check swing, or Ryan Howard’s performance-enhancing-free performance, doesn't mean you comprehend.

Look, it’s like the “chemistry” thing. Chemistry is a high school science class that every last one of us sucked at thoroughly. At least, if you’re reading this column, you sucked at Chemistry thoroughly.

Momentum is more complicated. You had to take Physics in high school to cover momentum, and again, if you’re reading this column, you didn’t get a whiff of Physics in high school; never mind sucking at it thoroughly. I took Physics in high school, sure, and I sucked at it thoroughly. Why do you think I do this?

Anyway. Nice win for the Dodgers last night. I have absolutely no idea what it means generally, and I have absolutely no idea how the next ten days will play out. The Dodgers could finish five back of Philadelphia or go on to brush aside all comers, straight through the Series. But let’s forget about the momentum debate from here on out. Trust me on this one. Not a one of us has a clue about that there subject…

Talkback: Your comments are always encouraged…

Media Savvy: Jon Heymen, in his SI.com Daily Scoop column, September 19: “A lot of folks expect the free-agent prices to increase this winter, reflecting the general health of the industry. In that spirit, Julio Lugo sought $12 million a year. Which is why the last-place Devil Rays said no.”

$12 million for Julio Lugo. Wow. Well, the ghost of Jody Reed is in the vicinity again, but at least there’s no self esteem problem to deal with. Grady Little would be wise to get over the nonsexual male crush he’s got on Lugo, and give Ramon Martinez his well-earned job back. Martinez plays three infield positions almost as well as little Lugo, and has had some huge hits for the Dodgers this year. Lugo hasn’t had a one…

Last Add, Jim Tracy: We hope. The Pirates skipper is a nice guy and an OK manager. He absorbed more blame for the 2005 Dodgers than was appropriate, and he’s getting way too much credit for his club’s play now, after being 30 games under and buried. The Bucs are better than the Chicago Cubs. BFD.

Grady Little is a good man and a fine manager; a leader of men. We’ll find out soon enough if he’s a champion. We know that much about Tracy now…

GQ: Pittsburgh sports the classiest uniforms in the National League, once again this season. The Dodgers are a close second. San Diego, with its various softball ensembles, not a one of which matches the headgear, brings up the rear…

Rochelle Rochelle!! KCOP ran the episode Wednesday night, so I made it a point to get the actual lyric, as sung by Bette Midler. “When the naysayers nay, you picked up the pace, so nothing's gonna stop me so get out of my face!! Rochelle Rochelle!!!” Kramer presents Bette with Macaroni Midler, and the rest is baseball history. Or something…

The Deal with Tiger’s Wife: First of all, let’s get something straight right now. I don’t give a bleep about celebrity gossip. I don’t care about Paris Hilton, or The View, and though I was born in the Hollywood Scientology building (no joke), nothing Tom Cruise-related is worth a second of my time.

But Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren are the coolest celebrity couple since Gable and Lombard, and they can do or say whatever the hell they want, whenever and wherever the hell they want. Complete carte blanche. If and when Tiger wants to run for president, I’ll consider voting for the guy.

The photos that turned out not to be Tiger’s wife made the rounds about three years ago, and ended up in my email inbox. They weren’t even remotely porn, and on the one-to-ten scale, the chick featured was about a 50. Tiger’s wife is a 48. Both blonde and blue. Hence the confusion.

Tiger was slumping, tournament-win-wise, and the explanation most handy at the time was that, shoot, just look at the man’s bride; of course he’s distracted. Who wouldn’t be? (The Main Squeeze rates a 45, btw, so when my columns fail to interest or amuse, now you know why).

Whatever. Erin Nordegren is distracting, but didn’t do porn. Tiger Woods is the best thing ever to happen to the sport of golf, and maybe sports altogether, is free to speak his mind, and in fact, ought to more often. But the Ryder Cup isn’t important, because baseball takes precedence this time of year, over all things news and sports…

Statue for Sandy: The Koufax in bronze campaign continues. Please Vote “Yes on 32.” And tell a friend. More about statue...

Remember, glove conquers all….

 

 

 

 

 

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