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  . . Off Base

Your Next Stop,

You know, The Steroid Zone. Or perhaps you recognize the acronym, MLB.

Did you catch Bud Selig and Donald Fehr being absolutely filleted by John McCain the other day? The Senate Subcommittee on Ineptly Run Professional Sports Leagues. Or something. C-SPAN at its best (and coming soon to ESPN Classic).

Question: “Are you now or have you ever been a steroid user?”

Question: “Was Rod Serling’s performance enhanced during the filming of the episode about the bionic pitcher?” OK, not really.

It was great watching Fehr squirm for a change, with Selig assuming the “moral high-ground” position. Look men, you’re both dweebs. Just split the difference and fix the sport.

Barry Bonds’ head is bigger than my chest. The medicine chest or the one attached to my neck. Either way. Here’s what you do: Flush your Andro, your THG, and the storage compartment full of Human Growth Hormone, and get on with the old ball game.

Or maybe hockey and baseball should just trade problems. Fighting for steroids, straight up…

Statue for Sandy: The “Statue for Sandy” campaign has picked up steam with your efforts. The goal of the project, co-sponsored by BaseballSavvy.com and Malcolm DeMille, Inc., is to encourage the Dodgers to commission a bronze monument of Sandy Koufax, for placement at Dodger Stadium in time for Opening Day, 2005.

To vote “Yes on 32,” if you will, scroll down to the photo of Sandy below and do your thing. We’ll relay the results to Chavez Ravine.

In case you’re wondering, the polls are running 100% for, zero against. And one great quote, from a press assistant at the mayor’s office:

“Is Mr. Koufax, uh, deceased?”

“Then he is retired?” Really.

Special thanks to Tom Hoffarth of the Los Angeles Daily News and to Derrick Hall of the Dodgers, for their kindness, and for their help getting the word out…

It’s nice that Jim Tracy has the Dodgers working on team offense and all, but really, enough with the “lost runs” statistic. Forget station to station baseball. The object is to score the runner, not get him to third.

Can’t you just see this? After a 2003 season of consistently getting a man to second base with less than two outs and leaving him there, the 2004 Tracy-inspired squad will set unbreakable records in advancing a man to third with less than two outs before leaving him there…

If it’s March, it must be madness. A little illegal, good-natured gambling, the requisite underachieving by Florida, Cincinnati and Stanford, and the annual month-long appearance of that lame Connecticut Husky logo.

I’m sorry, but that thing is no Husky. The Husky is a beautiful, regal canine. The UConn mascot is a longhaired, half-breed, barely a dog, mess of an animal, not fit to grace a Division-I uniform.

The Washington version, on the other hand, is a true example of a Husky dog. Blue-eyed, proud, and like its brother, the German shepherd, able to bring outdated wiring up to code…

Mike Montgomery is the Bobby Cox of college basketball…

Tim Allen is a five-tool player…

Remember, glove conquers all….

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