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Hey Pedro,
Head First!

Nice defense Pedro Guerrero’s counsel dreamed up. “Uh, your honor, can I help it if my client is a moron? The guy can’t make his own bed, and I see no reason he should sleep in it. Have you ever seen Pedro slide, your honor? That one dismount into third made Franklin Stubbs’ entire career. A 9.5 from the Russian judge, by the way. Shoot, Jack Fimple used to beat the crap out of him in Stratego almost every time. It’s egregious your honor! Not guilty....”

Interleague play? BFD. It just doesn’t really matter. The Cubs and Detroit or another KC-Pittsburgh series? I guess you can never have too many of those....

Memo to Juan Gonzalez. Whatever you do, remember Jody Reed. OK, so it’s not exactly the same thing, but if you don’t sign that Tiger contract like right now, you’ll never get another one like it. Never.

Gonzalez may have a lot of tools available to him, but public relations is not one of his strong suits. And three hits in two Octobers doesn’t exactly jump out at you. Well, it does actually, and it’s not a selling point. Throw in a couple nagging injuries, Pedro Guerrero’s agent, and a bad September, and what you’re looking at is a teeny tiny little contract. Maybe 60 or 70 mil. If I’m Juan Gonzalez, I’m begging Randy Smith to show me that pitch again....

Sammy Sosa might be an easier sign for the Cubs, but a Griffey-like contract for a soon to be 32 year old with regressing defensive skills is something to ponder. But as long as the bat and the smile still shine, you can’t let him walk either. And you damn well can’t let him walk back to the South side....

Bob Vila is a five-tool player....

Perhaps therapy is in order, but when I was a kid, I thought Al Kaline was responsible for the Alkaline battery. Guys had to work during the off season in those days you know, and I thought maybe making batteries was Kaline’s gig....

The Dodgers should sign Brian McRae....

In some quarters, Steve Finley was on the way down after four years in San Diego. Some said Arizona would have been better off keeping their team MVP, Devon White. They pointed to Finley’s declining percentages, and said he’d fallen in love with the long ball, which of course, chicks dig.

(Did you notice my use of the word “some,” rather than including myself? Busted. I thought Fins was through, and it’s not the first time I’ve been wrong. I also predicted that Dan Marino would wash out in the NFL in a season or two.)

Well, here’s Finley two years later, as much an MVP as anyone in the NL, just sticking it all over the place while looking god-like at 35, and making every play imaginable in center. And the Diamondbacks look simply awesome as a team....

Hideki Irabu throws like a girl. So does Donnie Wall for that matter. Wall looks just like Tom Neidenfuer, come to think of it. How did these guys get to the Big leagues with a motion that should have been corrected in the Little ones? Or has some pitching version of a Charlie Lau school sprung up that I don’t know about? “Bring your prospects to our academy, and we’ll have em throwing like George Brett’s sister in no time.”

I guess it’s possible to throw like a girl and still be successful. Darryl Kile is one example. Eric Karros is another....

Will someone please tell Turk Wendell to stop trying so hard to be the second coming of Mark “The Bird” Fidrych. I knew Mark Fidrych. Mark Fidrych was a friend of mine. And Turk Wendell, you’re no Mark Fidrych....

Even though it’s from the hoops department, this is my favorite sports quote of the year. It came early in the season, from Portland coach Mike Dunleavy, on motivating his star players: “You have to have great discipline, and we start the first day of camp with tremendous discipline. I’m talking about “yes, sir,” and “no, sir.” I can’t tell you how many times I said “Yes sir, Mr. Pippen.”

Please don’t call me Skip Carey, because it’s a one time thing, but I simply must say something about the NBA Finals. Go Lakers!!!!

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