Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend

But not a guy's, apparently. Not in the year 2001.

Look, I've wasted some energy thinking about which baseball player might or might not be gay since this story broke too, OK, and I have a few ideas. I also happen to know, from a reliable source (don't you love that, "a reliable source"), about a national sportscaster who's still closeted. BFD. Like I said, it's wasted energy.

Man, I don't freaking care who is having sex with whom, alright. I don't want to hear about it. Men having sex with women, men having sex with men, woman on woman, with farm animals, whatever. Just leave the roll in the hay in the bedroom, or the barn, as the case may be. It's nobody's business but those two or three, uh, individuals. If someone wants to come out, fine. If not, fine.

The only two people on the face of this earth whose sexual enjoyment I care about at any given moment in time are yours truly's and whatever lucky person I happen to be with at that given moment in time.

"Out Magazine" has done precisely what it set out to do: foster discussion and get ink. That's what they wanted. That's what happened. Let's leave it there...

On a recent visit to my folks' house, I missed having my trusty "Who's Who in Baseball," and really missed "The Baseball Encyclopedia." I wish they'd put one in every room. Hotels should too, right there in the nightstand drawer...

Bob Vila is a five-tool player...

If you've read this column loyally, you know by now that I'm not a big fan of Tony LaRussa's. Yes, he cares about animals. Wonderful. I just don't like the guy.

Not so much Tony the man. It's more the aura about him, that he's this big genius. He's really not. He's the most overrated manager of the last quarter century.

Sure, he got his little title with Oakland, with the best team in baseball three years running. Tommy Lasorda won more championships, and with less talent. And yeah, he won a division last year with the Cards, and might win one this year, but he had free reign and a bad division for years before finally doing that much.

His handling of Rick Ankiel has just been so lame it's almost beyond detailing. In fact, everyone knows it so I'll save the space.

Mark McGwire missing two plus months is LaRussa's mess too. While not quite as bad as what the Reds did with Junior, it's pretty damn close. No player, especially a star player, should be on a major league roster when he's not physically able, ever.

The Padres used to do the same thing with Caminiti all the time. Save the "yeah, but he's a gamer" schpiel. The player should not decide. Medical matters should come down this way, in this order: doctor, g.m., manager, player.

Gene Mauch was another thoughtful manager with a genius label who accomplished little, but at least he brought the double switch to the game. Tony LaRussa, on the other hand, gave us the pitcher batting eighth...

The Dodgers should sign Will Clark...

Will someone please tell Turk Wendell to stop trying so hard to be the second coming of Mark "The Bird" Fidrych. I knew Mark Fidrych. Mark Fidrych was a friend of mine. And Turk Wendell, you're no Mark Fidrych...

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Remember, glove conquers all....