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Off Base
When Every Day is Friday the 13th

June 16, 2005

When every day seems like Friday the 13th, you know you’ve been watching too much Dodger baseball.

When you’re surrounded by Jasons, only half of whom can actually play baseball, you’re watching way too much Dodger baseball.

Got Rick Monday on the brain? Too much Dodger baseball.

An entire staff of $9 million number three starters, a mind-numbing lack of clutch hitting, a defense that’s scarier than Wes Craven’s cravenest and a general manager who sits there and lets it all happen? Way too much Dodger baseball.

Nightmare on Elm Street a nightly occurrence in your living room? You’re watching way, way, way too much Dodger baseball.

And man, if you think I’ve got a cure then you’re really dreaming. A blindfold, ear plugs, a windowless room with black paint and no electricity helps a little, but not really…

Guilty on all Counts: No, not Michael Jackson. Thank God that’s over. Brendan Donnelly. He’s guilty as charged and a cheater forever. “Scab” is no longer the worst thing on his resume.

That “accepted part of the game” line is a huge pile of crap, OK. BS to the tenth power. It’s not acceptable, ever. And Gaylord Perry is not a true Hall of Famer.

But props to Mike Scioscia for supporting his pitcher, and for going jaw to jaw with Frank Robinson. In your wildest dreams, can you imagine Jim Tracy going jaw to jaw with Frank Robinson? Or Frank Burns for that matter?

My disdain for Frank Robinson isn’t news to him, so don’t worry about our relationship. He knows how I feel about him; knows I think he’s had a bug up his butt for decades.

And while this episode in Anaheim may have been more about winning than being a bleephole just for the sake of being a bleephole, his taunting of Steve Howe in Candlestick was another thing entirely. He’s not to be forgiven. Robinson won’t apologize because he knows I won’t accept it. I’m never talking to him again…

Jackasses of the Week: Brendan Donnelly, Tom Cruise, Kevin Gross, Jose Guillen, Jay Howell, Jose Lima, Derek Lowe, Joe Niekro, Lance Niekro (for being related to Joe Niekro), Lou Pinella, Frank Robinson, Runaway Bride, Runaway Bride's ophthalmologist, Mike Tyson…

Memo to Jim Tracy: Eschew the bleeping bunt already. Just completely rip it out of the playbook. You don’t know how to use it, and the only guys who can even remotely execute the thing are a couple of your nine million dollar starting pitchers. If you want to try again in Spring Training next year, fine, knock yourself out. Just take a course at the Learning Annex first…

Memo to Jim Tracy, Part Deux: The game is over for the Eric Gagne. No more three inning outings. The French guy is toast. Stop burning out your players…

Hey Investors: Sales of BaseballSavvy.com’s “BS” gear are as wild as a Wes Obermueller intentional walk. As the masses are learning, we’re much cooler than Von Dutch (“VD” for short, you know). Invest small today, make major league minimum tomorrow…

Statue for Hee-Seop: Just kidding...

Statue for Sandy: The Koufax in bronze campaign continues, so please scroll down to the photo below and vote yes on 32…

Remember, glove conquers all….


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