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Off Base
Pitchers and Catchers Report!!! Finally!!!

February 15, 2006

Congratulations, baseball fans. We made it through another off season.

If I was of even the slightest bit of help filling your personal sports void, well, I don’t know. I think that says more about you than it does me.

Anyway. While it’s hardly a prescription for success, and in fact, don’t try this at home, here’s how I survived the winter.

First, I paid extremely close attention to the City of Anaheim v. the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. And it was riveting stuff. I mean, four star classic.

Checked for trade rumors and free agent signings, by calmly visiting Rotoworld.com, oh, every once in awhile. Fine, I was compulsive about it, it you must know. I was on that freaking website every five minutes throughout the general managers meetings, the winter meetings, and for most of January.

Dug Jon Weisman’s DodgerThoughts.com like never before, and sucked up every paragraph of Tim Brown, Steve Henson and Tony Jackson from the final out of the 2005 World Series to the first sighting of Pat Borders at Vero Beach. I even read Ken Rosenthal and Andrew Jackson look-alike Peter Gammons when I got really desperate.

The main squeeze was, uh, helpful. Thank you, main squeeze.

Expressed gratitude to the higher power, comforted in the thought that the Dodgers are not the Lakers.

Pondered bigger and better tributes to Allan Malamud, but all I could think of was a couple of lame look-alikes: Saddam Hussein and David Hedaya, a.k.a. Nick Tortelli on “Cheers.” And let’s not forget Homeland Security guru Michael Chertoff and guru of all things film, John Waters.

Waited anxiously, on pins and needles, on the precipice of the edge of my seat, for roster developments from the World Baseball Classic. With baited breath, even.

And like you, I closed out the off season with the alleged “Best in Show.” Can you believe the Westminster Kennel Club chose that bleeping colored bull terrier with that bizarre head? The colored bull terrier? The best in show? Please.

The German Shepherd dog is the best in show. The GSD is always the best in show. The best in everything. Always. Like, the colored bull terrier leading the blind? I don’t think so…

The Wrong Brother: Once upon a time it was the Dodgers always getting stuck with the wrong brother. Chris Gwynn, Wilton Guerrero, J.D. Drew, etc. There are hundreds. Now it’s the Angels. With all the run support he’s going to get in Anaheim, Jeff Weaver will think it’s 2005 in L.A. all over again. Meanwhile, Brett Tomko will win as many games as either Weaver brother, and best the better of their ERAs by a point. But it’s Anaheim, so I really don’t care…

Auction for ALS Los Angeles: The eBay auction of the Arnold Palmer sculpture ends Sunday, at 8:00 p.m. It’s an original bronze by Malcolm DeMille. He’s also responsible for the Nissan Los Angeles Open championship trophy, a ton of others, and is the artist we’ve proposed to the Dodgers, as part of the “Statue for Sandy” campaign. And yes, he is related to the late, great Cecil B. DeMille.

Here's the link to the auction. 50% of the final sale price goes to the local chapter of the ALS Association.

Dodgers Season Ticket Available: For a ¼ share in the company season seats, all you gotta do is ask. Info

Investors Wanted: Invest a thimble full of venture capital today, make major league minimum tomorrow…

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Talkback: Your comments are always encouraged.

Statue for Sandy: The Koufax in bronze campaign continues, so please scroll back to the upper right panel of this page and vote yes on 32.

Remember, glove conquers all….

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