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Kids on 'Roids

Or, as is usually the case, parents on 'roids, and as is becoming increasingly the case, media on 'roids, led by the East German women swimmers of them all, ESPN.

I had to rip up my entire article when the Danny Almonte age story broke. Like, it wasn't enough just to give Little League parents the grief they usually generate for themselves just by being typical Little League parents. You can always count on some coach slash father doing something stupid on worldwide television, or some ump, trying his best but miss a call, only to be tarred and feathered by millions of win at all cost "fans" and media dweebs. So the kid missed the bag and the ump didn't see it. Get over it.

I was going to just ream ESPN for putting "The Little Unit" tag on the kid, no matter how old he turns out to be. He's not The Little Unit. He never was The Little Unit. These are little kids, and it's Little League Baseball. Little, get it? But now that Almonte's parents and league bosses are taking it in the shorts, the network has wriggled off the hook almost completely. BS pals. Not here. Not on my watch.

ESPN, consider yourself officially reamed. It's one thing to fake a fight on "Up Close," or whatever they call it now, but back away from youth baseball, would you please? Just back far far away.

The next time you try to lay one of those "Outside the Lines" pieces of crap about the pressures of sports on kids things on us, about how it's all society's fault, and about how it's the pressures we put on kids that lead to steroids and school shootings, next time ESPN, just go back and look at your decision to lead off SportsCenter with the Little League World Series like it's all that...

And while I'm ragging on the media, let me just say that Barry Bonds and Rick Reilly are a perfect match. Both successful beyond their dreams, both make enemies on a regular basis, allegedly, one homers more when it doesn't matter than when it does, and the other makes news instead of writing about it. Knock yourselves out guys...

Enough with the freaking cycle already. Jeff Frye. Wow. A single, double, triple and homer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, bla, bla, bla. BFD.

Fine, so it's more likely that someone will throw a no-hitter than hit for the cycle. And you know, come to think of it, it's more likely that a position player will hit for the cycle than will a pitcher, since there's more of them on the field afterall. That's just so cool, the cycle.

Really, what the cycle has done is keep Wes Parker's name in the news for parts of four more decades than it should have. Wes Parker, the only Los Angeles Dodger to hit for the cycle, but he said, going completely off on a tangent, not the only one to appear in a Hollywood sitcom, not by a longshot.

Al Ferrara and Jim Lefebvre played headhunters in "Gilligan's Island," and Koufax pitched to Mr. Wilson in "Dennis the Menace." Drysdale was in some shows and did that memorable Vitalis commercial, Leo Durocher did "Mr. Ed." and Parker himself starred in a "Brady Bunch." Wasn't Piazza on a beach with Pamela Anderson someplace?

So I'm wrong. The cycle really is a significant accomplishment, since it's more likely that an L.A. Dodger will do a half hour on prime time than hit for the damn thing. And a horse is a horse, of course, of course. Yeah, way cool...

After watching a couple of trading deadlines come and go under the new regime, I really don't see much difference between Dave Wallace and Fred Claire...

Cammy, you were great, we loved you when, but it's really time now...

Not to take a player's comments out of context or anything, God forbid, but Tony Gwynn is right on when he says that the Padres "are the only ones who think we're going anywhere." He's right about other teams saying "here come the lowly Pads." You are the lowly Pads, you are the only ones, and you're not going anywhere. You weren't even designed to go anywhere, not for some time.

You've been designed, if you can call it that, to flourish at some time in the future, at some stadium which supposedly will be completed at some time in the future. Kinda like the Pittsburgh Pirates, the Milwaukee Brewers, and the Detroit Tigers. A plan that works, definitely...

The Truly-Lame Prediction of the Year absolutely has to go to Dave Campbell, for buying into the Colorado Rockies' "revamping" thing yet again. Anyone else who thought this year would be different, you're lame too.

Best and Only Slightly Outrageous Prediction of the Year goes to me, of course, for the Seattle Mariners. Modest, I know. But it's my site, and I make peanuts (sometimes Cracker Jack), I'll do what I want...

Since practically no one has mentioned it, this Ichiro Suzuki guy, not a bad little player. You'd think someone would have said something...

Tim Allen is a five-tool player...

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Remember, glove conquers all....


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