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May 19, 2004

You See the Brick – You Gottit

There's no cheerleading like Vic Jacobs' cheerleading. When he's on your side, it's practically radio you can listen to.

But for the discriminating fan, tuned to the various XTRAs (690 and 1150 AM), this business is just too much show business. One too many broadcasters named Brick for one building as well.

The experienced listener knows to avoid Jacobs by simply switching to KROQ at twenty, forty and the top of the hour, but sometimes Vic sits in with the host, so you have to be fast with the clicker.

The Brick has two main problems. First of all, he's got his head so far up Kobe Bryant's sphincter, an ER near you is going to need that little submarine from "Fantastic Voyage" to extract it without injury to the innocent party.

More importantly, Jacobs needs to make up his mind. Dodgers or Angels. L.A. or Anaheim, which is it?

You can't just go around calling Vladimir Guerrero "the greatest player in SoCal history" and expect anyone to respect you in the morning, and that includes Wilton, Pedro and Lisa Guerrero.

The Vladimir statement is just so lame it's difficult to respond to gracefully. Good thing no one cares about that here.

He didn't think to distinguish "hitter" from "player," so in one fell swoop Jacobs has given Guerrero more due than Sandy Koufax, Don Drysdale, Fernando Valenzuela, Orel Hershiser, Eric Gagne and Nolan Ryan, plus every regular who ever donned the Dodger blue, Angel periwinkle, or Padre, uh, brown.

This isn't a knock at Anaheim's right fielder, by the way, but "five-tool player" is a misused phrase, and Guerrero doesn't qualify anyway. 87 errors in seven seasons of outfield is a ton, people. Don't blame the messenger.

The idea that any new batsman can be anointed the best Southern California player in two months time is an insult to everyone from Billy Grabarkewitz to Steve Bilko, in addition to a bunch of World Series heroes, several MVPs, and a few runners-up.

Lame, lame, lame, lame, lame.

You see the Brick, Vic? EEE-YYYikes!! You got the flavor!!!

Howard Cole

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