ox Sports does a great job with baseball, ok, so let’s not get all defensive
about yet another media dweeb harping on the negatives. I’m not one of those
guys.
But you really need to do something about the speech impediments.
Professional broadcasters should not stutter, lisp, or get unusually nervous
in front of a microphone, and certainly, the serial overuse of a phrase, any
phrase, is a sportscasting no-no, even for cable.
In this Mark Gubizca has no peer. Nice pitcher, solid citizen, and pretty
good generally in the studio, but Mark, buddy, lose the “I tell ya.” I tell
ya, you simply cannot start every analysis of every ball player in every
accompanying game highlight with the phrase, “I tell ya.” You just can’t.
It’s like a hitch in a swing. It may be comfortable, but in the end, it’s not
a good thing. Nobody messed with Henry Aaron’s hitch because it was a thing
of beauty, and because he was Henry Aaron, after all. Talk to Charlie Lau if
you think it’ll help, spend some time in the cage, but please do something
about that hitch, I tell ya.
Kevin Kennedy is the best baseball analyst going today, but Kevin has a
problem-phrase too, “no doubt about it.” Everything is “no doubt about it.”
Everything. Baseball isn’t that clear. There has to be some room for doubt
somewhere.
Bob Brenly and Thom Brennaman, for some reason, think that every player in
the majors and every play that takes place in every game every week is
“outstanding.” They’re very emphatic about it. Brennaman also thinks that
every ball hit in the air is a “pop,” even if it travels 500 feet.
Oohh, here’s one. Fox has this new “Southern California Regional Sports
Report” thing nightly at 11. John Fricke’s the voice of reason there. The
show has been panned elsewhere so I’ll save it, but if I hear one more “The
trading deadline ends Monday” from Chick Hernandez or Gaard Swanson (Gaard
Swanson?!), I’m gonna hurl. The trading deadline does not end Monday. The
trading deadline is Monday. Or if you prefer, the trading period ends
Monday. I know it’s just sports, but c’mon, hire a writer already.
Over at ESPN, Mike Marfarlane starts each sentence with the word “again.” It
gets him started, and again, it’s a hitch. Peter Gammons, who should know
better, uses the word “but” like a comma.
On the bright side, “Baseball Tonight,” still the most important show in
television history, has made a cool feature out of “Web Gems.” “Web Gems” is
a perfect name, and it’s become part of the language. You see a great play in
the field, you just call it a “Web Gem.” It’s no longer a “TWIBer,” which
didn’t exactly roll off the tongue. And glove conquers all, remember.
Pluses for Fox include Ron Darling, who is very clean, and Steve Lyons, who
doesn’t get near the credit he deserves for making the transition from
athlete to anchor. Steve Sax is still a Dodger at heart and fun to watch,
even if he is a little skitterish. Some things never change. If Chuck
Knoblauch ever straightens out, maybe Sax can move on to other issues....
Memo to Bob Daly: the 1150 signal is still unacceptable. The whole place
reeks of unprofessionalism. Whether it’s KABC or some other station, please
find an answer for 2001....
T.J. Simers is to page two sports columns what Mark Davis was to free agency.
The poison pen act has its place if there’s something behind it, like say,
sports (not just football) savvy or an actual sense of humor and timing.
Simers just tries too hard to be obnoxious. The real trick is to be naturally
obnoxious....
Vinny, you’re the greatest....
—Howard Cole
